HOW MY PAST LIFE MADE ME TO CHASE MY DREAM NOW

Disclaimer: It’s been about two years since I last blogged so this is going to be a surprise comeback. 

HOW MY PAST LIFE MADE ME TO CHASE MY DREAM NOW

          My story begins with the way I perceived life. It was always about studies initially. I grew up with the typical conservative parents who put a lot of emphasis on academics. It was always about scoring straight A’s and nothing else matters (like the song from Metallica, haha). When I was a kid in primary school, the only thing I cared about was my studies because if I scored anything less than an A, my mother would have scolded me. Either than that, I watched a bit of cartoons and surfed the internet for more cartoons. Seems like a pretty decent childhood. The only stress I had at that time was pleasing my parents and teachers by doing well in studies. I had a few friends in school and we did not have much arguments or problems back then. I did complain about the amount of homework we had. But overall, life was simple. 

          High school however was a different story. I became more introverted and more reserved than I was before. Part of it was due to my environment. My class was torn into two main factions. There was the extroverted and athletic faction. These group of students were loud and arrogant. Many of them were smart in academics but were very cocky. They believed themselves to be the ‘kings’ of the school, being able to do whatever they want simply because they were brighter and had more influence over our peers. Some of the teachers ‘adored’ them because they were either sons of successful people or simply because they were more noticeably by their boisterous acts. Then there was the introverted and less athletic faction. They were more silent and we were not as open as everyone else. Guess where I fell into? ... Bingo! The introverted group. Now, here was what happened. Many a times, the extroverted group would bully the introverted group, simply because they were different. I did not really have a specific group of friends because I was strictly neutral, meaning I treated everyone equally with respect. However, that did not exclude me from getting bullied. I was mocked, scoffed, insulted, ostracized, and tempted to do things I did not want to do. Basically, it can be summarized as psychological bullying. I was ostracized and criticized to the core for no good reason either than because I was different. They would criticize me for talking to the less popular group, and they would give me a sour face whenever I needed to communicate with them for something important. I had done absolutely nothing wrong to harm them yet they treated me this way. The teachers never helped, and sometimes sided with them instead.

          My academics began to slip because I lost interest in studying, or worse yet, simply lost the interest in living. Whenever I tried to tell my parents about my issues, they would say this is normal and tell me to just ignore it. When I did poorly in studies, my parents would compare me with the smarter and extroverted students and tell me why can’t I be like them, even though I hated their personality to the max. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them, I only hated their personality because I can never truly hate someone as holding a grudge will consume me from the inside. It will lead to more misery. Funny how in the first class, we would expect everyone to be mature and respectful. Quite the contrary really. It was horrible to socialize in my class.  

          Form three was a turning point for me. I was determined to be successful regardless of anything. Though I was an average student as compared to the rest, I did my best whenever I can. This continued on till I finished high school. My reason for this was to prove my peers that I was not an idiot, and I can be successful too. Though, I did maintain my strict neutrality to everyone. As a result of this I was not able to make close bonds with anyone. What made it worse was that my fear of socializing lingered on. This fear, combined with my introverted personality made it extremely difficult to socialize. I always felt like everyone out there wanted to criticize me, and sometimes I felt like I never belonged anywhere. I had very little emotional support. Most of it came from my church members. But either than that, I was quite a loner. 

          I continued to study hard while ignoring whatever that comes in my way. It was not easy. Eventually, I would finish high school and I wanted to start fresh again. My results were average, so I could not quality to study Medicine later on. Hence, I decided to study Biomedical Science after I complete Foundation in Science. And if all goes well, I hope to still study Medicine as my post graduate degree. The past events in which I was mocked by others has shaped me to be determine to prove them wrong. One day, they will see me with the title Dr. They will finally respect me for the person I will become. And they will no longer see me as a complete loser who can’t achieve anything in life. I will prove them wrong. 

I will be spending the next four years studying here. Hopefully I will survive.